It's Officially 7 Days Before my Birthday!

Mukha ba akong excited? Not really....


Ilang taon na ako? Secret... Bale, magpaPasko raw noon at kakatapos lang ng Martial Law nung ipinanganak ako... Ang taba-taba ko raw nung ipinanganak ako at ang cute-cute ko... Sana hanggang 'dun na lang ako... :'(

Noong bata pa ako, excited na excited ako kapag nalalapit na ang birthday ko. Kasi magkakaroon na naman ako ng bagong gamit at iba pang regalo. Hanggang sa tumuntong ako ng college at after graduation... Unti-unti ko nang kaayawan ang pagdating ng birthday ko... Nakakadepressed :'(

December 7, 1987 ako ipinanganak...
2010 na ngayon...

so 

2010
- 1987
22 na ako!
Ahemm... 23 na pala!

Any plans for my birthday? Ah-uh! Wala na akong plano, baka madepress lang ako. Gusto ko lang mapag-isa for my birthday. Magsisimba tapos magmumukmok.

Any wishes? Not for me... Just for my Mom. Na maging masaya ang Mommy ko. In almost a month na nasa Mindoro ako with her, almost everyday akong umiiyak... Because kitang-kita ko na nahihirapan na Mommy ko sa pagtatrabaho but she keeps on working for the two of us pati na rin sa kasama namin sa bahay na isang mangyan.

I thought, 2010 will be a great year for me and my family... I was wrong... It's the worst for I have faced the biggest trials in my life this year. I am just hoping that the next year of my life will be better for me and my Mom and my brother. They are the two most important person in life. Nothing more, nothing less...


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Trying to have "A New Beginning"

Every person around you is going 
to hurt you at some point of time.... 
But it's up to you to decide what's important.
The PAIN or the PERSON?

Ilang beses na akong nagstart sa lahat ng pagkakadapa ko! Ilang beses na rin kasi akong nadapa sa pareparehas na pangyayari. Hayz! 'Di na kasi nagtanda! Pero this time, mas malalim... At sinabi ko sa sarili ko, na "I'll never cross that line again".

Umaamin naman ako kapag nagkamali ako. I know how to say sorry when it is really necessary... But for now, hindi ko gagawin 'yun. I know na wala akong ginawang masama and they judged me already after all... Para saan pa? Right?!

I just need to move on. Move on from those stupid mistakes that I have done. Sigh!

Having mistakes doesn't mean that you're a bad person... It's part of your life. You don't have to focus on the wrong things that you've done because what's important is.... You've realized what is right!And I am right... Hindi ako nanakit at nagsabi ng masama tungkol sa kanila. They're in group, mag-isa lang ako. But the hell I care...

Sad na malapit na birthday ko :'( Mas lalong sad kasi magpaPasko... But it's okey... I totally erased them to my life. None of them will hurt me again kasi tinanggal ko na sila sa sirkulasyon ko. I allowed them to enter my life before... but I was wrong to let them in. May mga bagay kasi sa mundong ito na kahit anong gawin mo, they will always judge you and make you feel you're the worse.

And now... "A New Begining" na naman! Okey lang naman. At least, I still have the chance to start a new. Nakakapagod pero ganun talaga.



Just like 'yung mga alaga kong manok dito sa Mindoro. Parang kelan lang nang dumating ako rito at bago pa lang nangingitlog ang alaga kong manok at ngayon, inabutan pa ako ng pagpisa ng itlog dito. Haha! Nakakatuwa kasi parang mas excited pa ako sa inahing manok na makita ang mga sisiw since napanood ko ang pagpisa ng itlog na wala 'yung inahing manok.

Last November 1, dumalaw ako sa sementeryo... Hinintay ko muna na halos mawala ang mga tao and try asking my Dad (almost 1 1/2 years ng patay) about sa mga nangyayari sa akin. It's so hard to accept 'yung pagkamatay niya since ang dami niyang plans for me and ang dami naming plans ng Mommy ko for my Daddy. None of those ang nangyari kasi namatay siya bago ako grumaduate.

And now... Wala na siya, it's hard to plan again... Since those plans ko before ay parang wala nang saysay. Honestly, I don't know kung bakit buhay pa ako. I always have questions in my life ngayon... 'Coz I am always thinking that I am a total failure. The only reason for me to stay here in this world is my Mom. Para sa kanya na lang kaya ako nabubuhay. I just want to make my Mom happy... and that's it. No plans for myself na.

My life is a failure. Sa process ng DABDA, nasa 1st A pa rin ako... ANGER! Pero kahit slow, I am still thinking na magmove forward to it. Hayz :'(

God, please help me... I am so much in anger.. I can't feel the pain. I am so numb...




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